He Smashed it

Despite her prodding, you keep quiet.

''Don't you have to go to work in the morning? Why are you up? Is anything wrong?'

Something's not right. But that's not the problem. You're touched by her concern, staying up with you for almost 30 minutes.

She asked how long you've been up.

''Not too long''

It's a lie. You've been up since she slept hours ago. Each time you almost drift into dream land, you're jolted back violently.

It's unfair, you feel. If it was snoring, you could have managed. You still had the ear plugs you bought for the last one.

The last one was a horn, a siren. Like shards of glass tearing through flesh at high velocity, her snoring tore through sleep no matter how thick.

The earplugs soon almost lost its potency but thank God for wisdom. She agreed that he should sleep before her every night to ease the assault and supplement the earplugs.


He thought that was the worst one he'd ever meet. Now he was at an unfamiliar spot down a familiar road.

"What is so important that it is driving sleep from you?"

He looked into her face and rubbed her chin, urging her to go to bed and disregard his predicament.

She would not leave him. This was not the first time she caught him awake when he ought to be sleeping.

"This night you must share what is disturbing you. If you keep losing sleep as often as you do, it will start affecting your health soon and i don't want people to start saying these whole thing started since you got together with me. "


Her whining is exhausting. He has to tell her something now or he'd be unable to hold back from telling her the truth.

He jolted up on his feet as she continued her pleas, he made for the bed but the lady blocked his way, declaring;

"No! No!! No!!!, we've gone past that point. No sleep until you share these problem with me now or-"


"I want out" , he cut her.

Shock slowly settled on her face. He stepped aside and lay on the bed, taking one last long look at her beautiful body before drawing the duvet over his head.


He lied again. It was a lie but he couldn't help it. Surely, telling her he wanted to break up with her was most certainly easier to say than telling her the bitter truth about what was depriving him of peaceful sleep because it was too strong.

The best alternative was to tell her it's over. Cut her lose and hope she meets a new guy, one that may be bold and honest enough to tell her such hard truths.

He was still ruminating on the implications of his declaration and the good intentions  behind them when he heard the sound of glass and a sharp scream from the living room.

Jesus! I hope she's not stupid enough to hurt herself. Damn you fool, what were you think telling her you want out like that.

These thoughts trespassed his subconscious as he threw off the duvet and ran to the living room.


She was sprawled on the ground, writhing and wincing in low agonizing moans.

He made his way through the pieces  of broken glass on the floor and disarmed her of the cricket bat she still held loosely in her agony before she did more damage with it. His Flat screen, his glass  table and Chandler had all been smashed.


She was always temperamental, he should have known and too self loving to even attempt suicide.

He examined her as she sat half beauty, half pain on the tiled floor. He turned away with the bat, heading to his room when he suddenly remembered something more valuable to him than all she had destroyed. Something that was still in the living room, something she may not need a bat to destroy.

He waltzed back to the living room to retrieve it. He was too late. She had it already.

He knelt down, frantically shaking.

"Please don't smash it, i beg in the name of God and all that you hold dear, please!" , he implored her.

"Tell me why not! Tell me why not!! Why!!!", she yelled, holding it with both hands above her head.


''Kai! Babes, Biko nu, please, Just calm down please. We can talk this over. Just drop it."


"What?! You already said all you want to say!!! Tell me why you're leaving me or i'll smash it"


"Hehh!, Nne, wait! It's not like that. It's not like i want to leave you. You know you're my sweetest. Itokariri sugar. Odigh onye n'aku k'isi a ku, you know. And you know i mean it, ehn? Please calm down Biko?"


"You're mad!!! You're very stupid!!! So my reward for being the sweetest is a break up? Because i'm too good? OK. I'll count 1 to 3, if I don't hear what you have against me, i'll smash it to bits.
1!"

"Babes please now, you're a mature girl, i did not expect all this from you. please, don't act so desperate na. You know you can get better guys than me. This is not worth-"


"2!"


"Please be reasonable na. It's not even up to an hour and you are breaking all my things. Please consider it na, I was your boyfriend minutes ago oh. It's not like-"


"3!"


"Hey!!! Wait wait, i'll talk truth. It's your puna o."


"My what?"


"Yes. I did not know how to tell you it stank after sex and the stench filled the whole room. This made it difficult for me to breathe fresh air or sleep, that is it ooo. Biko. No vex."

She brought her hands down slowly. Surprise, embarrassment and anger wrestling for prominence on her face.


"So, My Vagina was smelling and instead of telling me you just decided it was easier to kick me out? "

"Kai! If i told you, would you have accepted it without chewing off my head? Snoring made me lose my last girl friend, how was i to expect that odour will not be more touchy an issue? ".

"But you said you loved me.  We agreed to talk things over first before anything goes down between us. What happened to that agreement? "


"Kai! Baby, understand me Biko. I did not want to hurt your feelings or make you feel bad na."


At this last statement, she gleamed with anger. Raised her hands up above her head and without warning, let it down with force, smashing it on the tiled floor.


"You should have thought of that before telling me you want out! Stupid man. "


She walked away swaying in anger mixed with satisfaction. His mouth was wide apart and he was still on his knee. She smashed it. He thought.


 It was like a bad dream. He picked a piece of it up and the grieve drowned his awareness of time and need for sleep.


 All he could think about was it. Hot tears rolled down his cheeks and memories made in the living room with this companion she just smashed came rushing in.


It was too much to take. He almost choked as he blurted it out loud. His voice damp and shaking with grieve. He cried;

''She smashed it. I can't believe she smashed it. She smashed my PS4.!"