Life cycles

For mother

Growing up, i never quite understood alot of things mother made us do. The only thing that kept me obedient albeit stubborn was her motive.

Mother loved me and no matter how harsh or puzzling i found her instructions, i was sure of one thing, she loved me and she would do nothing to hurt me. She had demonstrated several times that it was all for my own good, and i believed her, i still do.

When life took it's turn and we moved from the privacy of a flat to a less private and more communal housing, adaptation was quite hard.

You see, i was born naturally introverted and obsessed with privacy. The only thing i loved as much was peace and quiet.

Grandma would tease me sometimes. She called me the stubborn and wicked one. According to her, i never let anyone carry me other than my mum and dad even as a baby.

The only condition for anyone else to carry me was for them to stand. The old lady still wears a puzzled expression on her face whenever she narrates this story.

She is still awed at how a baby of barely few months could detect the difference between his parents and other people and allow his parents to sit when they carry him and not cry but cries uncontrollably when someone else carries him and sits, stopping only when they stand. That's how natural my cockiness came.

In this new neighborhood, where each tenants door faced her/his neighbor's, (earning it the nick name 'Face me I face you'), everything was shared at worse.

If you're lucky as we were, the kitchen may not be shared. The toilet, bathroom, passage, verandah/compound, drying line were shared.

Naturally, the maintenance of all these shared amenities was shared and rotated from one tenant to the next,  each week.

Some homes comprised only of couples with very young children. I wasn't too young for chores. I fetched water, washed clothes when daddy is too busy to wash them. I cooked too or learnt to. My siblings helped out too.

I'd sweep the compound, with mum sometimes helping out till i was old enough to do it alone. Wash the bathroom and toilet. Wash the laundry area. All these, when it was our turn.

The couples who had children too young for these chores, often found it challenging when it got to their turn.

Sometimes the babies cried all night, keeping the couple awake. The man would have to let his wife rest in the morning and do the whole sweeping and preparation of the kids for school.

Mother would wake us up very early and beg us (if we refused,  she'd resort to force) to go and help them sweep. We'd do this and even wash the toilet and bathroom for them.

This used to irk me. Mother was a poor widow who didn't really socialize with them. These people socialize with other couples who had kids as old as us yet, never forced their kids to help their neighbor. But my mother did.


She'd say, kids are a blessing, you must help those in need whether they ask or not. That's how you show them you're a blessing.

I would help out without grumbling or seeking acknowledgement.

Mother said, if you grumble or seek for 'thank you', then it's worthless in the sight of God. God is the reason you are doing it, not for man.

These neighbors would surprise us sometimes. They would shower us with gifts and even extend courtesies to us that they did not do to others.

I learnt from this, that being a friend is not about chatting or talking everyday. Your friend may be the one who never says a word or tries to be all over your affair. But, they show up when you need help and don't even know it and seek no reward or repayment.

Actions seal friendship. This has followed me ever since, i'm always wary of people who have to chat you up or talk to you all the time just to prove to you or themselves that you're still friends. I run from those who demand this.

Other kids my age would hide when the adults needed a task/chore/errand done but mother would examine it and sometimes force me to volunteer to help.

Now i'm an adult, old enough to be accorded the title 'brother' or 'bros'  by the younger ones. I came home some time ago and observed something.

The young children around never let my mum do any errand on her own unless she insists.

She had become accustomed to it that sometimes when she asks for something, i'd be dressing up to go get it for her, she'd say not to bother, the kids will help.

The passage and compound is swept every morning. These kids do it. Their mother makes sure of it. She'd threaten and preach.

She'd tell them kids must help out and be useful. It was a shame to have them  around and still have the adults and oldies doing these chores.

Listening to her is nostalgic, it's just like my mother used to tell us when we were kids.

Life is in cycles i've come to see. No lesson is useless, no good deed is wasted.

***

That woman has her flaws,
that woman mothered sons,
that woman showered love on us,
that woman gave her life for us,
that woman is beyond wonder
that woman is beyond super,

She's my mother. I love her.