On rape and parenting

Our Society is designed in such a way that  parents/guardians through their actions and inaction perhaps train boys to become rapists.

Here's one of the how.

Growing up was fun until puberty. There was hardly any useful answer to question raised at this stage of my life from my parents.

Some of the questions provoked furious stares from my mother and were left unanswered. Because, religion, culture or tradition wired these parents in a certain way.

When you ask 'Why is my penis stiff early in the morning suddenly? It wasn't like that before now'

Parents seem to hear, 'I'm horny every morning, or I feel like fucking or I want to grow up and become a porn star and disgrace the family with my penis'

So they stare furiously at you,wondering how you could be so vile at that age. Of course these continuous stares bury the questions and any future question that may arise.

The boy assumes it only logical to avoid broaching topics that involve legitimate concerns about the changes in his body.

So when he first meets a girl, asks her out and invite her over, neither mum or dad is consulted, his peers are the guide all through.

Why consult them, when you're sure the response would be a furious stare. And maybe sanctimonious religious admonitions.

The reality is, you have invited a girl over and you won't be cancelling just because daddy and mummy is giving repetitive and boring sermon.

You don't know how a boy should act or host a girl friend coming over the first time. You wonder what to expect and other details. The parents are not there. So, you look elsewhere for answers.

The other boys say things like

'No dull o, if she come that means she want am'

Then she comes And She's watching TV all the while, as you pretend to be doing too. But you're wondering when it will happen. It doesn't. You feel disappointed but assure yourself, if she wanted to, I'd have known. Though you aren't even sure what 'it' is.

Then your guys shame you.

'You fvck up! '

'But she was watching TV on the sofa across from me. She did not want it'

'See this guy o. Na she go tell you? You're in charge. Go sit with her and just do it'

'Just like that? Even if she no want? '

'if she no want she no go come your house. She no go enter room with you sef'

'So if I sit close to her, what next?'

'Start to romance her.'

'What if she no gree? '

'You be man, she expects you to force her, make e for no be like say she cheap'

'Ehen?'

'Yes na, you no know girls, their no mean yes. Their yes mean no'

* * **

On face value, this may not sound like bad advice but putting it in practice is very tricky for a green leaf.

Alot of young ones go over board on the back of these advice and if it 'works' they continue unaware of the harm nor crime they are committing. Thus, a trail of Forced intercourse is left. Victims keeping mum because society believes going to his room is all the consent he needs.

We need to Put religious rhetorics aside, speak to your kids,real talk. Make them friends and not just the condescending instructor/student relationship that naturally spurs rebellion and distance between you two.

Give practical advice, answers and solutions. If these boys had proper orientation from experienced Guardians rather than vague and ambiguous solutions from their inexperienced peers i'm sure these menace will not be as widespread as it is now.

My two cents.